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UMASS Orchard Assault - Dartmouth Not Quite 50 Miler

Date: 2003-09-28
By: Mike Ondik

  • This is your life and it is getting shorter every minute. With this in mind one needs to ask his or herself why they would miss a double race weekend. Maybe some people did and just decided that they didnít feel like going to a race with Kline. Well the joke is on you; Kline didnít go either. But some people did and for them I offer the best race report ever. Well not quite, I actually dreamed up the best race report ever last night but I seem to have forgotten it. So this is just a tribute.
  • It all starts out as a story of a boy, or rather a man named NOS who likes them, and his 1990 Buick Roadmaster/team trash can. A car that eats gas almost as fast as it guzzles oil. Or is it guzzles gas and eats oil. No in this case the wagon defiantly goes through more oil than gas.
  • The car was packed and we were off. Heading into the unknown, well, not quite unknown, we have taken the route 24 times over the past two seasons. So we will skip most of the ride. Just take note of the fact that we didnít get on the road until well after 8 pm. This fact led to a night of three hours sleep. So I wussed out on the orchard assault race, yes I said I was sick but who really believes that one. Everyone else did it and here is how they did. These results are very unofficial. I donít remember them too well.
  • Menís XC B Ė Dan Moyer/20th
  • Womenís XC B Ė Lauren Massaro/5th,
  • Menís XC C Ė Steven Place/20th, Najeeb Qutub/30th.

Now I would like to compose a tune in tribute too the organizer of the UMASS race.

Real men of Genius

Today we salute you Mr. Power trippiní de-motivator
voice two: Mr. Power trippiní de-motivator)
Never has one man stopped so many people from trying to improve
voice two: letís just give up)
And your idea to require pre-registration a week in advance so
you can jack up your teams profits, radical dude!
voice two: yelliní 80ís slang)
Ah but every cloud has a silver lining, because the jokes on you.
voice two: whoís laughing now?)
So get ready to realize how strong your attention to detail truly is.
voice two: itís like he has OCD)
Moyer never paid!
(voice two: raced for free!)

Brought to you by Drexel Cycling

  • Now on to race two. Dartmouth was angry I tell you. Like an old man trying to send back soup at the deli. It was raining hard when we woke up. The site got packed up and luckily Dartmouth pushed the start back 30 minutes because this was a race you wouldnít want to miss. Picture a trench filled with mud. Then imagine riding through it for 10 or more miles. Trust me it was fun. Add some ATV bridges and creek crossings. But donít forget the wet rocks. Yeah it was defiantly not the race to miss. Itís such a shame most of you did. I mean even I did well. So that should show you how fun it was. And letís not forget all the carbo loading I did the night before.
  • These results are unofficial but; Womenís B XC Ė Lauren Massaro/4th, Menís C XC Ė Mike ďThe ManĒ Ondik/11th (I am so temped to change that number to one). So thatís about all. I mean donít get me wrong, other fun stuff happened but if you didnít go you will never know. Shame I guess.
  • Also, a special thanks goes out to Mike Ondik for getting the campsites. He really handles responsibility well. Nah, all joking aside, all members deserve thanks. Moyer (Company), Place (Driver), Lauren (Registration fees), NOS (Driver), and yes even Justini (aka cutes to Beth) for checking up on us and helping organize things by sending emails. Please start doing all the work again Justin. Please!!!!
  • Thatís all I got. I mean I got more but itís funny for me so it would probably offend you. Bring on Plattekill. Then what??? Do I hear Cyclo-X? Do I? November, I guess.
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Page last modified on February 28, 2009, at 05:54 AM